Reasons I should not be a Mom!

Lately most of my conversations with people have been revolving around my general lack of concern for my children's safety (I mean heck I have an aflac accident policy, I might as well use it.) So I thought perhaps I should compile a list and post it publicly on the internet for your enjoyment, just as long as you promise not to call CPS, you promise right?

1. I had to talk my son Ryan into wanting a dirt bike, and went shopping for it before he could even ride a bicycle. Then when he learned how to ride I pushed him to go down a "too steep hill" and he fell into a thorny bush.

2. I got chastised by the Doctor I work for, because I don't have a carbon monoxide monitor. Oh yeah and also because I am so non-chalant about how I handle my 2 month-old and his lack of neck support. But he was amazed about how well he could hold his head up at this age. You don't get that kind of neck strength if your mom is constantly helping you hold it up, the kids got to work at it.

3. Ryan is in gymnastics in a very organized and supervised program. However I felt it a necessity to buy him a mini trampoline (Thanks to my neighbor Heather's idea.) when ryan asked if we should put the safety pad around it I told him "No, it won't let you jump as high if we do."

4. Ryan asked me to play soccer with him while we were upstairs in the bonus room. So I reared back and told him to get ready cause' I was going to bring the thunder. I reared back ready to kick the ball hard against the wall and instead of the wall it hit Brianna right in the face who was standing only eight feet away. Now to my credit I got to her almost as fast as the ball did. And because it was an extremely soft nerf ball there wasn't even a mark on her. It may have been because I am really not that strong but I like to think it is because the ball was really soft.

5. We have been watching nitro circus lately at our house, which is a show with a crazy bunch of guys who do motorcross stunts and the like. So I wanted to get into the action (by proxy), so I told Ryan to jump off of our second story "catwalk." He wasn't game at first but as in bad mommism #1 he agreed after a little coaxing so I lifted him over the handrail and he jumped down to his father (Marshall acts innocent like he was against it but don't be fooled.) To my credit Ryan loved it and wanted to do it again and again, to my detriment now he will probably do it by himself sooner than I should have expected it.

Now remember no phone calls to the authorities, cause tonight I have plans to pull out the crib mattress (cause' it's made of slick material) and take the kids on a trip down the stairs, and we don't want to be interrupted.